When we were considering using donor eggs I had a lot of questions. Would I love a DE child like I would a bio baby? Would that child love me as if I were a “real” mother? Would my parents and extended family view my children differently because they’re from DE?
This weekend my parents came to visit. We had told the boys they were coming and so when they finally showed up the boys were in a frenzy to see them. My parents were mobbed when they walked in – hugs and kisses and “I miss you” and “Nana and Papa home!”. My mom was on her knees with the boys wrapped in her arms and they were covering her with kisses when Ro said “Why Nana cry? Nana sad?” and I realized my mom was crying. She was so happy to she them she was crying. No doubt that those are her grandchildren and she doesn’t give a flip where the original cells came from.
Fast forward to last night – Z woke up wet at 1:30 am so I went in to change him. After I’d changed him and settled him back in bed I bent down to kiss his forehead and he wrapped his chubby little arms around my neck and said “Tank you mama. I love you.” That was the first ever unsolicited “I love you” from either of my boys, and just like that I melted. Every fear that I still secretly held deep in my heart evaporated. Every shot was worth it, every tear.
Yes, I love them for exactly who they are and I wouldn’t change a thing.
Yes, they love me.
No, my parents love them and their origins are irrelevant to the depth and intensity of that love.
Yes, I am their mother. I am a mother. I am a “real” mother.
YOu should have put an alert that this post will bring out the waterworks..
I am sitting at work wiping my tears and my co-worker is secretly staring at me wondering if I am ok 🙂
Love this post..
Oh man now you have me crying over here….
sigh… tears rolling… love
I needed to read this. My son (DE) is almost a year and I still have those fears.
All those kissed boos, bedtime songs, sleepless nights and countless small things day in and day out….they matter so much more than where the original cells come from. Origins are important too of course, but they’re not what builds a life, or a family. Congrats on your son, mama. ❤
Jane Allen said:
My aunt was 3 when her mother died and her father (arranged) married my grandmother when she was only 4. my aunt is now in her late 70s and my grandmother died almost 20 years ago. She recently told me that she still ‘talks’ to my grandmother at least three times a day. That’s her real mother. No bio link needed
G E said:
What a post. I love it. You are their real mother, one million times over!