I was at that conference all week so I for the first time ever I didn’t symptom spot. I’m making up for lost time now! The problem is that I don’t have any symptoms. Not one. Let’s start at the beginning…

On 5dpo I started having implantation cramping – at least I think that’s what it was. It felt exactly like it did when I got pregnant. Pinchy, weirdness in my uterus (and of course after all of the IVF stuff know EXACTLY where my uterus is). It lasted for 36 hours, on and off. Just when I had convinced myself I made it up it came back. For the next 3-4 days I had a serious increase in discharge, the same kind of amounts as during EWCM but not that consistency (TMI, sorry). And a very sore back, but then again standing and walking for 13 hours a day in heels will do that to a girl. And since then…nada.

I broke down and POAS on a FRER at 9dpo (PM) and again at 11dpo (FMU) and both were BFN. Now I’m 14dpo (AM) and no AF. And no period symptoms. I’m moody, but that seems to be pretty standard these days. No sore breasts, no bloating, nothing. NOTHING. I assume the Clomid (plus multiple rounds of hostile take-over of my reproductive system) have me completely out of whack.

Strangely, (for the first time ever) my passion for POAS is gone. I’m not interested. I’m so sick of seeing one line on a snow white background. ‘Cause I know I’m not pregnant. Last time (for a brief time) I felt pregnant. I don’t feel pregnant. And the odds of getting pregnant from Clomid after all the IVF stuff seem laughable. Despite what felt like implantation cramps I just don’t think it’s possible.

S has to go pick up a prescription at the drugstore this morning so he’s going to drop me off at work.  I guess I’ll pick up some tests while we’re there, and I know once I have them I’ll pee on them. Hope is something you pee on…