I have always been and advocate of gay marriage. It seems ridiculous and presumptuous in the extreme for folks to try to interfere with two people they don’t even know who love each other. What difference does the color of their skin, their age (assuming they are consenting adults) or what’s between their legs make? Why is it anyone else’s business? Our genitalia do not define us.
So, I’ve been very interested in the court hearings of the last few days. And I’ve been watching the marching, the fund-raisers, the speeches etc. Now, I’ve often participated in these both to show my support to the cause and to support my LGBT friends. But watching over the last few days is different. I suddenly see an unexpected resemblance between their fight and my infertility fight.
I feel that my infertility struggle is extremely private and personal. And I have intense feelings of shame and guilt associated with it, even thought it’s not my fault and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s awkward and uncomfortable to talk about not only because of those feelings but because it (implicitly or explicitly) involves my sex life, which is nobody’s business. I also feel like I’ve let my husband down, my family down. And there are intense feelings of anger because I can’t have what seems to be everyone else’s god given right – children. See the similarities yet?
I am only just now TRULY beginning to understand how hard it must be to come out. First, to have to quietly and privately accept that you are different from other people, even though it’s not your fault and there’s nothing you can do about it. I imagine (especially in certain situations) there must be extreme amounts of guilt and shame, and the feeling that you’re letting your family down. And then you have to explain to people, talk about your sex life, and then stand by while they judge you. Judge you about something that isn’t any of their business. Judge you about something you have no control over. And then, after all of that, a bunch of strangers who don’t know you and have never met you tell you that you can’t have what is everyone else’s right – to marry the person you love. What a terrible, terrible affront. It’s criminal. Mindless, needless suffering.
And then I see these people on the news standing proudly and telling the world “Yes, I am gay. And I am worthy. And you are wrong for judging me just because I’m different.” They aren’t ashamed. They’re brave. I want to be like them. To be able to say “I am infertile but I am still worthwhile. I can’t have a child but that doesn’t make me any less of a woman.”
So keep fighting the good fight my friends. Know that you have love and support. And know that people are watching and being inspired by your bravery and self-acceptance. I certainly am.