Tag Archives: 2WW

Symptoms – ’cause I got ’em

29 Friday Nov 2013

Posted by in 2WW, Donor Eggs, IVF, Results

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At 10:30 AM on Nov 24th they transferred 2 5AA blasts in to my broken oven (get it? get it?). Although I guess really my oven is fine, it’s my eggs that are broken…  I know some of you are going to think I’m crazy, but I swear I felt implantation and I’ve been pretty convinced since then that this cycle worked. Anyways, here are my “symptoms” broken down by day (I’ve been keeping a journal).

  • 0dpt – At 5:30 PM I felt a strong pinching on the lower left side of my uterus which continued, on and off, for the rest of the night. 80% sure this cycle is a go. (*Side note – one thing IF teaches you is exactly where your uterus and ovaries are)
  • 1dpt – Continued pinching and slight cramping at the same spot in my abdomen as well as 2-3 minutes of pinching in the upper right area of my uterus. I am convinced now that this is implantation. In the PM I start to develop stronger cramps (not in a specific location). 90% certain this is working.
  • 2dpt – Hard to get out of bed, very tired even after 9 hours of sleep. In the shower my wrist brushed my right nipple and I gasped with shock b/c it was so sensitive, totally surprised myself (and left one was normal, wth?). Wasn’t on the look out for symptoms so this shocked me. In the afternoon I had no increased sensitivity in my nips. Continued cramping on the lower left in particular and the whole lower abdominal area in general. By 5 PM my lower abdomen felt  heavy and full, like it does in the hours before AF starts.  All day I felt weird and “floaty”, but the progesterone (Endometrin and lozenges) makes me tired and kind of out of it so this may be nothing. However, I’ve been on progesterone for almost a week and haven’t felt this way before. I pee’d on an OPK, just because I had it in my desk at work (who the hell knows why?) and because I like to pee on sticks. It was, of course, negative. (But I still enjoyed it). I “feel” pregnant today. 100% sure of this cycle being the one.
  • 3dpt – AM – Nothing. No symptoms. No cramping, no “floaty” feeling, a little bit of a heavy tummy, but not nearly so much as yesterday. A few tiny cramps in the mid-afternoon, and a bit of backache (but that’s not unusual). Because I’m a crazy baby lunatic who can’t think of anything but my uterus I pee’d on a stick at 12:30, which was of course a BFN. Didn’t actually dampen my spirits at all as 99.8% of me knew it would be BFN. By 6 PM the heavy lower tummy feeling was back along with cramping and lower back ache. I am exhausted (but I also have all of my in-laws staying at my house and have been cooking and cleaning all day). Also, constipated. Because I’m gross and crazy and a POAS junkie I looked at the old test before I went to bed and there was the very faintest whisper of a second line. So, I got out a Dollar Store test and got a BFN. Still, I’m 90% positive I’m pregnant.
  • 4dpt – I woke up at 4:00 AM with what felt like a side stitch on the left side of my lower abdomen. Had a backache and was crampy all night. Sat on DH’s lap right after he ate some pizza at lunch, and his breath smelled so bad/strong I ran into the bathroom gagging. Since I was in there anyway I pee’d on a stick (FRER*) and within a minute there was a faint but clear BFP (below)!! Still no boob symptoms (soreness, veins, sensitivity, etc), no metallic taste. I have bad AF type cramping and a backache and I’m am SUPER irritable, which is weird because I’m also super happy. But seriously, everyone is annoying the crap out of me. Starting to feel bloated, still constipated (you’re welcome!). Pee’d on a Dollar Store test at 8 PM and got a very faint positive. As I was going to bed I got tingly nips.
  • 5dpt – Had a hard time sleeping last night because of the backache (but that’s not too unusual for me – stupid tight hamstrings). Pee’d on a FRER this morning at 8 AM (FMU) and and the line is twice as dark as it was yesterday (!). Below is the light FRER from 4dp5dt at 11 AM, and the FRER from 5dp5dt at 8 AM (FMU). Same symptoms continue – mainly cramping. In the early evening I got REALLY dizzy. I feel like the sensitivity of my skin has increased because my face wash burns, but that may just be my imagination. Got a positive on a $ Store test and a CVS Early Response (mid-day and PM).
  • 6dp5dt – Lines are getting darker!! Still a little crampy, full feeling abdomen, backache. Super nauseous for a few minutes.
4dp5dt, 5dp5dt, 6dp6dt with FRER. The 4 day one has faded some.

4dp5dt, 5dp5dt, 6dp6dt with FRER. The 4 day one has faded some.

  • 7dp5dt – Ran out of FRER’s. Dark positive on a CVS One Step with FMU. Backache and crampy. Still no boob-type symptoms or food aversions. Looked at a calendar and realized my beta is on Tues, not Mon! Grrrrr…..
  • 8dpt – Not much to report. Cramping is almost gone except for occasional twinges, backaches still lingers. I’m getting episodes of mild nausea, especially if my stomach is empty but food is terribly unappetizing. Tests keep getting darker. I’ve included a picture from this morning of a Dollar Store Assure Brand test and a CVS Early Response, both done with the same FMU. The CVS test I took 2 days ago was very light (never get the blue dye tests) so the dark line on that is particularly satisfying.
8dp5dt, CVS Early Response and Assure Dollar Store tests

8dp5dt, CVS Early Response and Assure Dollar Store tests

I have endlessly googled early pregnancy symptoms so I’ll just keep adding to this same post until the day of my beta (which is Monday  – 9dp5dt), so that I can repay the favor for those of you looking for symptoms.

I know cautious optimism is called for here, but I feel really confident about this “Squatchy-ness”. My symptoms have been strong the whole time and implantation happened early. The dark lines up there make me feel better. I think Tues (beta day) is going to be a good day!

*I have linked to the First Response Early Result tests that I used on Amazon. This is an affiliate link, which means that if you buy from them I get a little $. However, you may be able to find them cheaper elsewhere so please shop around. Regardless, the FRER tests were the best in terms of sensitivity, although you can’t beat the Dollar Store brand for price! (And they were reliable as well).

 

And so begins the 2WW…again.

30 Friday Nov 2012

Posted by in 2WW, Clomid

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Went in to the RE yesterday so they could check my follicular development and decide when to trigger and do the IUI. I did the usual routine – go in, take my pants off, don the paper sheet, lay down on the table, put my legs in the stirrups. In goes the dildocam, up goes my blood pressure…

No follicles on the right. Not a huge surprise as my right ovary seems to be the slacker. The doctor moves over to the left ovary and then is quiet for a while. Then she points out a shape on the screen and tells me that there’s something odd – it doesn’t look quite like a follicle but it doesn’t look quite like a corpus luteum (the follicle after ovulation) either. And look, she says, there’s another one. And my uterine lining is almost 11, which apparently is as peachy as can be. She wants to get my progesterone level and see what’s up with my hormones, but she thinks I might have recently ovulated.  Like VERY recently. So today I get a call from the nurse and she tells me that my progesterone level was 3. M’kay. What does that mean? She says that the doctor thought I had ovulated super super recently, like so much so that the process wasn’t quite finished when I was having my dildocam date. She also asked if we had been BD’ing every other day like good little patients. I assured her we had.

I have some thoughts about this.

  1. I had 2 follicles. WTF? That’s sweet! On the strongest fertility drugs available to mankind I made 3 mature follicles (and 2 immature ones) and on Clomid – 2 small pills a night for 5 nights and no shots not-even-one-single-one – I made 2 mature follicles. 1/1000 the trouble (and $) and 2/3 the results. This, I think, is good news.
  2. I ovulated on Day 13. That’s also awesome as I usually ovulate on CD 9-10. I don’t know if the Clomid delays ovulation (it must, right?) but I feel like those few extra days could give my eggs the chance they need to mature. And who knows? Maybe all of these supplements I’m taking have improved my follicular environment. And I was worried that the Clomid might thin my uterine lining but I guess that’s not a problem.

So now I’m back to unrealistic hope. Here’s the hope part – 2 eggs instead of one. 13 days instead of 9. Maybe better egg quality from the supplements. Here’s the realistic part – I seem to ovulate every month on my own and have never been pregnant. Why should 1 additional egg make any difference?  It takes a long time for the supplements to work (if they work at all) and I’ve only been taking them for a month or so.

And also….I am not the lucky one. If this process has taught me anything it’s that I am not the exception. In fact, I’m usually the worst case scenario. It seems highly unlikely that I’m going to be the one who, after 3 (but really 1.5) rounds of IVF gets pregnant on Clomid. Who does that?  NO ONE.

And yet, here I am starting my 2WW routine. *sigh* I’m starting to feel like the person Einstein was talking about when he said “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” That’s me. Insane. Or maybe masochistic. Or both. But here I am.

Hoping.             

I hate this

16 Tuesday Oct 2012

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I had my first beta on Thurs, and got the bad news after a 3 hour flight. I haven’t really had a chance to digest it or deal with it as I was in a wedding over the weekend. It made the time pass so was good in that respect, I guess.  My pregnancy tests still show faint lines, but all my symptoms are gone. My boobs are still sore but I’m still having to take all the Progesterone support so that’s not surprising.

I went in for my 2nd beta this morning (Monday – 16dp2dt or 18dpo) and am waiting for the results. I’m hoping for a miracle but know in my heart that it’s over.  I just hope this doesn’t drag on and on – numbers rising but only slightly, forcing you continue to to cling to that shred of hope. If IVF has taught me anything it’t that I’m not that 1 in a million person who beats the odds. I fall right in the middle of the bell curve.  Please just let the number be unambiguous.

11pd2dt – BFP symptoms

10 Wednesday Oct 2012

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So I am 11dpt2dt or 13dpo and I am pregnant. I may not be pregnant tomorrow, but 3 faint but clear tests confirm that I am pregnant right now (2 FRER and 1 CVS Early, in case you’re wondering). I’ve spent countless hours wasting time on Google looking for early pregnancy symptoms so now that I have them, I’d like to share!

Breasts – they’re definitely bigger than usual and tender, but no more so then they are right before AF. I have felt like my nipples have been behaving badly – getting erect for no reason and kind of tingly, which is different. No big blue veins or enlarged nipples or anything.

Cramps – still cramping, although not as badly as I was right after ER and ET and in the few days following. The shooting pain in my right ovary is pretty much gone. Last night I started getting weird little tugging sensations about 4 fingers below my belly button. It was subtle, but different.

Bloating – gone. Those 8lbs I gained this cycle are still with me but I’m feeling much better about them now!

Discharge – as I mentioned in a previous post this was the only symptom I had that couldn’t be explained by the meds.  It’s still with me – it happens once or twice a day and is like the watery discharge you get right around ovulation.

And that’s it. No nausea,  no metallic taste in my mouth, no increased sense of smell, no more tired than usual.

I still don’t really believe it. I want to pee on 10 more tests.  I want that beta.

And I realize now that this stage (which I have been so earnestly striving towards for so long) is just another waiting game.  I would get so annoyed with people who had gotten their BFP and were complaining about the time between betas, or that their BFP lines were slightly different colors. They were pregnant for gods sake – be thankful, stop nitpicking! I get it now. It’s still precarious. It could end at any moment. I feel like so many of us on this IVF journey have had so much bad news, so many failed tests, so much heartbreak that we don’t accept good luck when it happens. We’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Um, wait. What? BFP?

10 Wednesday Oct 2012

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Soooo, after trying all day to hold it together (sneaking cry breaks in the restroom and pleading allergies to explain my red rimmed eyes and stuffy nose) I spent the early evening with Dr. Google feeling sorry for myself.

I finally decided to just go to CVS and get a FRER since everyone talks about how wonderful they are.  Came home and left them on the kitchen counter until my will broke 20 minutes later. Mind you, I used FMU at 6 AM today, and tonight I’d had a lot of water and juice to drink so I knew it was stupid to test.  Wasteful.  That I should wait til morning.

Snuck into the bathroom and turned the fan on so S couldn’t hear me opening the box. POAS and lo and behold. 2 line.  2 LINES!!!! 

It’s faint, but there.  And you don’t even need to stand-in-a-bright-light–squint-and-turn-your-head-just-right to see it!

Faint, but there! 10.5dp2dt Tested at 6 AM BFN, tested at 7 PM BFP

So, I’m trying to be cautiously optimistic. I knew the stats – early miscarriages, late miscarriages, chemical pregnancies, ectopic pregnancies…but just for these few minutes I want to exalt in this state that I’m in –  this state I’ve never been in before. With child.  Fertile. PREGNANT.

*BTW, S is over the moon!  But he is (for once in his life) being extremely cautious with his optimism. I don’t think he’s gonna truly believe it until the beta day after tomorrow.  Hang tight in there little embaby!!

10dp2dt, BFN

09 Tuesday Oct 2012

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Well, I POAS this morning and for about 1.5 seconds I was convinced I saw a very faint second line. Not that I would really know what it looks like never having seen it before. I even did that desperate thing I swore I would never do – break the test open to check the phantom line more closely. Of course then I didn’t know where to pretend the line was… after a few minutes of squinting  and looking at it sideways I had to admit to the BFN. I thought I would cry, after all, a BFN at this point pretty much means the cycle failed, I failed, it’s over.

I didn’t cry. I put the test in the trash and got back in bed with my husband. Laying there cuddled up with him I was wondering at my composure and then I felt it – that panic deep deep inside my belly. Let me explain. The deeper my grief, the longer I take to react to it – it’s like it starts from a place so far down inside me that it takes a long time to get to the surface.

My best friend was killed in a car accident when I was 19. After his mother told me the news I was perfectly calm.  I played with the cat, made and ate a PBJ, watched some TV. After about 2 hours I figured it was time to start making phone calls and letting people know. It was only as I picked up the phone that I started to cry. I started to cry and didn’t stop for about 6 months. This feel kinda like that. I haven’t started to cry yet, but I can feel it coming.

8dp2dt

07 Sunday Oct 2012

Posted by in 2WW, IVF, Musings

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Let’s symptom spot!  My favorite!

I’ve been cramping (AF like cramps) since the retrieval. Yep, 10 straight days of cramps. So, that’s the progesterone. We can also put bloating and constipation and irritability and excessive thirst (which leads to excessive urination) in that category. Also, breast soreness.  This started around the time I started round 2 of progesterone suppositories so it is probably also associated with the meds, although it’s getting a bit more intense.  But no more intense than it usually is right before my period. I’m tired, but then again I’m always tired.

Which leaves me with……nothing. No symptoms. And by now (according to Dr. Google) most people have some symptoms.

I don’t hold out much hope for this cycle. The internet says our chances for a BFP are a little less than 1 in 4, my RE says it’s more like 1 in 9. Despite the low odds I’m constantly told to stay positive, think only good thoughts. I have to take my meds 3x a day, do yoga that increases blood flow to the uterus, not drink alcohol or coffee, not eat sushi, not get stressed or upset.  And it all feels like an exercise in futility. A farce.

But every once in a while I slip.  I find myself daydreaming about what it would be like to tell S that it worked, that we’re finally pregnant.  What it would be like to have a 4 month old at my sister’s wedding (of course I already know the due date if this actually works). What it would be like to tell my step-daughter that she’ll finally have a sibling. And that’s the worst part. The more I think happy, positive thoughts the more devastated I’ll be when I get that BFN. I never really thought that the IUI would work.  When we got the BFN it was ok.  But this time we have a real chance. Our genetic material combined, it grew, and they put it back inside me. It’s REAL. I know that even with all of my logical assessment of the odds of a BFP and trying to be REALISTIC (which is rather the opposite of positive) I will be gutted if this doesn’t work. I can see that BFN abyss of loss and sadness and failure and self-blame right in front of me and I am frantically trying to build a shell around myself so that when I get the BFN and topple in to that hole I’ll have something to break my fall.

**Update – I broke down and tested today at 4:00.  BFN. Just saying…

Go swimmers go!

10 Sunday Jun 2012

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Had the IUI this morning.  Didn’t hurt a bit!  It’s rather like going to the gyno, only they warmed up the duck lips first.  The nurse inserted a catheter into my cervix and threaded it into my uterus where she released the proverbial hounds.  A tiny bit of weird twingy-ness as she filled my uterus and fallopian tubes but that may just have been the weirdness of actually being able to feel my uterus for the first time.  Then they left S and I in the darkened room with soft music playing and a pillow under my hips.  After our 20 minutes, we bounced.  No biggie!!

Now begins the 2WW (two week wait).  I take a pregnancy test on June 23, which coincidentally was the day I married my first husband.  It’s also 2 days before we leave on our honeymoon.  I feel like that is going to put Murphy (of Murphy’s Law fame) in a quandary.  Which is worse?  Being pregnant on your tropical island honeymoon, or not getting pregnant at all?  I know what I think…