We have 3 frozen embryos left. I don’t think of them much really but last week I got the bill for their “rent”, which is $400/yr. That’s not a huge expense considering how much it cost to make them but we have 3 children already and every little bit helps, especially when it comes to saving for braces and college and whatnot.
I brought the bill to my husband and asked him what we should do and he flippantly answered “Donate them to someone else. Or to medical research. I don’t know. What did we initially decide we wanted done with them?” Here’s the thing though – I’m not sure I want to let them go. I’m already pretty overwhelmed with 3 kids and a full time job and building a business on the side, but we worked so HARD for them. And I’m not sure I’m done. I love my twins to the moon and back again but I feel like because they were multiples I missed out on something (I feel stupid admitting that but there you go). I had very few quiet, snuggly moments. I never got to baby wear. I feel like I missed out on little things. When I was done with one baby it was always immediately on to the next baby and round and round and round. There was never really a chance to stop and enjoy the small moments. I don’t know why I seem to think that having a teenager and 2 toddlers would allow me the time or the latitude to stop and smell the roses if I had another one. It sounds ridiculous even to me.
And there are so many cons – the time, the money, the energy. And I’m almost 41 – what am I doing thinking about another baby? But then again no one ever looks at their watch and goes “Wow. I’ve got so much extra time and energy. I should have a kid.” or looks in their wallet and says “Too much money in here. Time for a baby!”.
I keep thinking “Maybe we should do the work up and just put one in and if it takes it takes and if it does’t then it doesn’t” and move on. But what if it works and then we have another baby?
Thoughts? Am I totally nuts? (Because I feel totally nuts).
Hope is something you pee on 
I am actually pregnant with our second baby and just turned 41. This pregnancy has definitely been rougher (no complications just hard physically). We have 5 embryos left over. We don’t know what to do with them either. But, I can say I am done being pregnant! For you, I would say, if you are already feeling overwhelmed and your husband doesn’t sound like he is on board, then I would lean towards not trying again. But, at the end of the day, only you two can decide what’s right for your family.
Congrats on your pregnancy and thanks for your insight! My husband actually just called and said that if I wanted to he’d be down to have another baby. So that doesn’t make the choice any less complicated! 🙂 If I may ask, how old were you when you had your first?
Totally think you should go go it and have another one or two. Have them all!! After all they all are your babies. I could not donate them personally. I am older than you and still want more after 3 I am not fulfilled yet. I feel like you are my friend. How I wish you were. We would have a lot to talk about. My first was at 40and he is 6 sisters are 5,3 and I want more boys. I had two twin pregnancies and had singletons, had a bad situation that basically ruined my relationship but I want my twin redo. I may have to do it myself. I am freezing cycles now.
XXOO
Have all the babies! I love it. I would settle for just one more I think. With my luck though it would split and we’d have twins again! Oh my lord, that just occurred to me as I was writing it….
I so agree with this! After seeing my daughter as an embryo and now a real human baby, I feel like I couldn’t leave any embryos frozen or donate them. I also agree that if you’re both on board with another baby, go for it! I was 37 with my first and will be 40 with my second.
Thanks for the comment! That’s exactly it. Good luck with your babies!!
It took FIVE donor embryos for me to have my one son at age 42. I have some sort of immune disorder that blood thinner shots seemed to have addressed. I had my son pre-term due to severe pre-eclampsia (presumably from diagnosed sleep apnea – go figure at 120 pounds…). We have four embryos left. We were ADAMANT about only having one. But now that he’s 18 months old and beyond adorable, I long for a brother or sister for him. My husband so far is lukewarm. Like you, I have a PhD that I worked long and hard for and have moved up and up the career ladder. I am not sure how to balance it all. Then there’s paying for another…we gave EVERYTHING away so far. I have saved nothing, but almost all was given to us or I bought from consignment or thrift shops. Sigh. It’s a big decision. Keep talking and in the meantime, do some leg work such as: what room would the baby go? Childcare? Extended maternity leave from work? Au pair? Nanny? Budget? Thanks. Love the blog.
Thanks for the comment! It’s nice to know that someone else is in a similar position, even though I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Balance really is the key, you’re right. I mean, we can make it work in terms of space and all that, but is it what’s best for my family? Is it selfish of me to want another? Would that take away resources, and time and energy from the ones I have? *sigh* I appreciate your perspective and look forward to hearing what you decide to do. Thanks!
As we know children are a great gift and I as my granny of 14 children says if you can afford them and give then the love they need then have them…I was thinking of trying for another baby after birthing 3 and losing 2.