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4:45 PM Had my blood drawn at 8:00 AM. The nurses told me the doctor wouldn’t be calling until the afternoon. Now it’s 4:45 and I STILL haven’t heard a peep. I broke down and called them a few minutes ago and the receptionist said they had just started their daily results meeting and he would be calling soon. I am losing my mind. I understand now how the police get people to talk by leaving them in a room for a few hours with their thoughts. Leave me alone with my thoughts and vague feeling of anxiety and I’m suddenly a raving lunatic. I have been absolutely confident throughout this whole cycle, except for the last 2 hours. And in these last 2 hours every fear, doubt, and previous terrible IF experience has come creeping back in. Are all of those gazillion BFP’s only positive because tests have gotten so good that they detect even small (read here: chemical pregnancy) amounts of hCG? Are all of my symptoms psychosomatic? And I know that no matter what this beta is (because it will be some number greater than 5, I know that for certain) there will be another beta on Thursday and this whole traumatic experience will repeat itself. I am literally staring at the phone and willing it to ring. 

5:12 PM Willing the phone to ring didn’t work. It’s fine, right? It’s gonna be fine. Right?

5:20 PM My mom just called to check and see what the news was (like I wouldn’t have already called her if I knew). I just about jumped out of my skin. WTF is taking them so long? I have to go home and start cooking dinner, but I’m afraid to get in the elevator because there’s no reception there, or in the stairwell. I’m trapped in my office!!

Beta #1 – 586!!!!!  Wha….?!

 

 

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