*This is a rant. Beware. You ready for some straight up Jerry Springer shit?*
My husband’s alcoholic, drug addicted 41 year old ex-wife is “accidentally” 6 weeks pregnant. By a man she met 8 weeks ago, and has been living with for 6 weeks. We find this out while I’m literally in the stirrups getting my lining checked for my donor egg cycle. Fuck you, universe. FUCK YOU
This is the same woman who told her dad that she hopes his wife of 30 years dies horribly so he can know what pain feels like. The same women who took her 7-year-old child out of school on a Tues morning and took her on a bender that ended with my step-daughter in a sleazy hotel calling 911 and applying pressure to her mother’s head wound until the ambulance came (a bottle of 100 proof vodka after a day of drinking and a handful of Vicodin and Xanax will do that to you. But she “was stressed out” you guys. 3 days in ICU on the taxpayer’s dime – you’re welcome.). This is the same women who told her live-in-boyfriend that if he didn’t do (whatever it was) she would call the police and say he beat her, which she did and he was taken out of his office in hand-cuffs. The charges were dropped and later found to be fraudulent. The same women who hasn’t worked in 13 months because she says she has severe nerve damage in her neck, head, shoulder, arm and hand from her job as an esthetician (because “waxing is hard” you guys). She is currently under investigation for Workers Comp fraud. She was just evicted from her 2rd apartment and is being sued for back rent by her apartment building and by her roommate (whose rent and utility money she spent on a new boob job, face filler injections and her BMW). She and my step-daughter have lived in 12 places in less than 4 years, and as of Dec. 1 they will be homeless (again) because the guy she was living with this time (in a 1 bedroom, 800 sq ft apartment), the one that impregnated her, got kicked out. That’s when she decided to tell him she was pregnant. This is the 19th boyfriend (that we know of) who has been introduced to her current child, in less than 3 years. CPS has been called on her by teachers, 2 different boyfriends, her father and medical personnel, and she has been found guilty by CPS of 4 counts of severe child neglect and endangerment and 3 counts of mild to moderate child abuse, as well as educational neglect for my step-daughters chronic truancy (she was absent from 2nd grade 32% of the time, despite living <1 mi from her school and her mother not working). At our last custody hearing the judge said she would give her another chance, but she had to attend drug and alcohol abuse counseling, psychological counseling, anger management counseling and parenting classes, submit to random drugs tests and she wasn’t allowed to consume alcohol while with her child, or within 12 hours of being with her. AND SHE’S PREGNANT. AT 41.
And here’s me. 37. Psychologically stable and financially competent. Employed every day of my adult life. Masters Degree. Ph.D. Happily married in a stable and loving relationship. Non-smoker, non drug user, occasional drinker. Exercise regularly and a healthy lifestyle. Close with family, lots of friends. Never been arrested, never even had a speeding ticket. NOT PREGNANT.
I mean, come on, universe. I know that life isn’t fair, but this is ridiculous.
And, DH doesn’t get it. He and his mom were on the phone for an hour this morning talking about the crazy ex, her new pregnancy, the living situation… He missed almost all of my lining check because he was on the phone. I told him it upset me and he said “Why? Why does it matter what she does? It doesn’t affect us.” Well, it matters because you’re missing OUR lives to talk about HER life. It matters because what we’re going through is now overshadowed, once again, by her bad choices. I know it’s the mother of his child. That’s part of the reason it bothers me!!! This horrible, hateful, awful woman could give him a child and I can’t! And she didn’t/doesn’t love and cherish either one of them!! And now, after all I’ve done to get pregnant, after all of the tests and pills, and doctors, and bills, and shots and heartaches we still have no baby and SHE’S FUCKING PREGNANT!! If I get pregnant and she keeps the baby, the whole time I’m pregnant it’ll be all about her – what’s she going to do? Where will they live? Is she getting the proper care? Nutrition? Is she drinking? Drugging? Going to Dr. appointments? And if I’m being selfish I don’t care! I have put myself through hell to pregnant, and I don’t want my whole pregnancy (assuming the best) to be overshadowed by her bullshit! For once, I want it to be about me! I want to enjoy, with my husband and family, this time that I have worked so hard for!!
And since I am suddenly emotionally alone in this DE cycle I am going to turn to you guys with my happy news, in order to get a little cheering and support. My lining was perfect. 9 mm. It also had the triple stripe, although the doctor didn’t say that, but I could see it on the monitor. There was an intern in the room and he was explaining things to her and said “Here we go. Look at this – this is the perfect mid-cycle uterus. Perfect 9mm lining, excellent receptivity for implantation.” So, all of the shots and pills and Pom juice and kale and raspberries and fertility yoga have produced the perfect uterine lining. Finally. This is the first and only time I have ever received positive news in the stirrups. The only time my reproductive system has been average, much less excellent. So, yay me. Also our retrieval is tomorrow.
*sigh* Ok, I guess my pity party is over. I know I shouldn’t let it get to me so much, but COME ON! Am I being completely unreasonable, or does this suck as much as I think it does?
MEN. That’s all you can say about your DH’s reaction to you being upset. Most of them behave that way.
And I HATE THE FUCKING UNIVERSE!! How many stories do you hear about where parents do terrible, awful things both while pregnant and to their children. Yeah, sure, they SUPER deserve a baby. Great job, mother nature. You sure know how to pick ’em.
No kidding. If I were in charge things would be different – different I tell ya’!
Rage inducing. You are 100% ok to be upset about this. It’s bad enough when it’s some stranger who is acting like a moron yet gets to be pregnant, even worse when it’s your husband’s ex! Ugh. I’m so sorry.
Thank you. I’m so lucky to have y’all to vent to.
WTF!? How and why does this actually happen? Infertility aside (or included), why does it seem like the fuck ups ALWAYS get the breaks, the second chances, the discount, the deal, the good fucking luck? HOW ON EARTH did this lunatic of a woman get a second chance at custody of her poor 7-year old daughter. She’s done enough damage, but yet is allowed to do more? The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior unfortunately. UGH! And I’m so sorry this is happening to you now, but try as hard as you CAN TO LET GO of the fury I’m sure you’re probably feeling right now. F that b. This is YOUR time. She doesn’t deserve another ounce of your energy (though I know it’s easier said than done since she’s such a big part of DH’s life etc.). Thank God you have this blog to vent though and purge you of her bull. Be as selfish as you want to be my friend because you deserve it and so does your future baby or babies. Ugh, but man oh man, life is so freaking unfair so darn much of the time. Sucks.
No kidding!! Isn’t it time for one of us to catch a break – restore the balance of the universe or something? Thanks for being so understanding!!
Wow.. Congratulations hon.. So happy that so far everything with this cycle is perfect. And seriously about this shitty woman, don’t even spoil your breath thinking about her.
And no, this sucks more than what you can think of! I am severely pissed off for you as well. And regd. your husband’s reaction, men are not known to be sensitive to our emotions even if the writing was on the wall. Stay happy, I think you are making a lovely cushiony spot for the embaby/ies.
You are absolutely right and thank you!
Honestly (not that I would wish a miscarriage on anyone) but I’d be shocked if she carried that baby to term. With her age and alcoholism, she’s at a very high risk. Anyway, DH is being a douche. All you can do right now is focus on what IS going right, which is your lining! That’s great news!
Thank you! 🙂 And I’m with you. After working so hard for a baby it’s hard say that I think a pregnancy should end, but I see very little chance (0.0%) of this being a healthy, drug and alcohol free pregnancy. It is SO infuriating.
You guys are the best! Thank you for the commiseration, reality check and congrats. Truly, y’all warm the cockles of my heart. 🙂
And as an update – DH has apologized and says he all of sudden realized how he would feel in my position, and he was sorry for being insensitive. He came to my office with a bouquet of flowers and wanted to talk about the lining check and the retrieval.
I’m so happy about your news, and so furious about *her* news, and yes, it sucks as much as you think it does! WHATEVER. Nothing makes sense. Nothing at all. I once counseled a woman whose daughter gave birth to a healthy baby at age 42, and she chain smoked throughout her pregnancy, was a cocaine-user and heavy drinker. So anyone who tells us we just need to relax in order to get pregnant, or stop eating gluten, or start eating yams, anyone who tells us that we need to accept our fate because God has a plan, needs to shove a needle up their vagina and suck my dick. Woops. Did I just say that? But seriously: congrats on the tripartite lining! I’m going to try to go back to being a nice person now.
Oh my god, I am seriously crying laughing right now!!! Oh man, my stomach hurts! And thank you. I know you’re going through a super hard time right now (understatement of the year, right there?) and it means a lot to me that you took the time to comment and get riled up on my behalf. Oh geez, I needed that laugh! *wiping eyes*
(: he he. No problem, sister. I think I might have actually laughed, too, hallelujah!
Hey, I think I might write a post entitled “Suck My Dick”…
Mwah.
Sorry you have to deal with all that- maybe she will do the world (and your step daughter) a favor and OD
Yay for your uterus!!!
It’s all about you… because you’re wonderful and you deserve it. You have the best most perfect triple strip lining. CHECK YOU OUT!!!
(Deliberately not mentioning stupid bitch who isn’t worth our time…)
🙂 Awww, thank man!!
First of all, yay you for making a nice, cushy home for your future kid/s! You’ve got a lot of exciting stuff happening right now, and it *should* be about you, for once! As for the rest, I am cursing the universe on your behalf. It’s always the worst kind of people who seem to get knocked up so effing easily. And no, men don’t get it. But try your best to let it go and focus on this cycle. Fingers crossed for lots and lots of eggs!
You are, as usual, correct. Thank you!
Blah, blah, blah, forget her: she’s a stupid asshole. There’s no rhyme or reason or justice to reproduction; the universe is cruel and random. BUUUUUT, you have a wonderful thing happening! I’m thinking of you and your good news, wishing you lots of luck and good vibes as you move forward with this monstrously exciting step!
I just…I can’t…I mean…WHAT???? Kinda just makes you want to run out and get a flamethrower and lay waste to the world, doesn’t it? I am so, so, so sorry that this is what you have to deal with right now when all the focus should be on your health and your future babies. My husband’s ex – the mother of his first child – is also an addict who had no problem getting pregnant while drinking and popping pills, so I can relate to some of your pain. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop being bitter about it. Big hugs to you, sister. Karma seriously needs to balance this shit out and get you pregnant.
Girl, we need to get together over a fertility smoothie and share some tales!
Wow. The universe really does suck sometimes. No one said life was fair, but this is beyond ridiculous. You have every right to rant about the situation. I can’t wrap my head around why a judge would give her custody when there is clearly a more stable home for her to live in. Sigh.
Enough about her…congrats on an excellent lining and hope all goes well with retrieval and transfer.
Most justified rant ever! That sucks. And the universe is not fair
Congrats on the great lining!!! That is fantastic.
As for this ex-wife, uggghh!!!!! your rant is so deserved. This is all so unfair. It is unfair that a 41 year old woman making such bad lifestyle choices gets pregnant. It is unfair that a 41 year old woman making bad lifestyle choices and has a history of being a bad parent is pregannt. It is unfair that this bad choices, bad parent 41 year old woman is going to end up taking joy from your so very hard earned pregnancy. Rant away lady, this is all very deserved. She seems to have done the hat trick of unfairness.
I am also sorry that this meant your husband was late and distracted for your appointment. This is absolutley wrong on his part. I like your idea of leaning on us ladies out in blog land and I am always willing to listen. This process is tough and I am cheering for you from the sidelines!!
I know EXACTLY how you feel! My husband’s ex-wife just gave birth. She accidentally got pregnant with a convict’s baby (he’s back in prison now for ‘distribution of meth’). She’s a 38 year old drug addict and she gets pregnant and I can’t!! She used throughout her pregnancy too, it had been so heartbreaking. That poor little baby was born underweight and premature because of her drug use. It’s is f-ing unfair.
WTH?!?!? That is ridiculous! I am so sorry that you had to deal with that. I’m sorry both of us have to deal with this. Never mind that poor little baby!! Life is hard enough without having such a difficult start. I just can’t get over how unfair things are sometimes. I hope things get better for you – best of luck to you, and to that poor little bambino with the addict mom.
Thanks, you too! And I already went through the custody battle for my stepkids and survived while doing infertility treatments (granted we never got pregnant, so on to adoption) so let me know if you ever want to vent! It’s so tough but it does get better. Once you have your stepdaughter she will see how healthy and happy you and her dad are and it’ll be like night and day. It just takes a long time for them to adjust after being in such a toxic environment. It took a full year for my stepson so really accept the change and let go of the guilt of leaving his mom’s (crack)house. But now he is so happy he did it. It’s not easy but I’m thankful that I get to at least be a full time stepparent. And even if she doesn’t appreciate you now, she will be so happy to have you in her life. It’s about the long-term reward, not the short term. Don’t let harsh words get you down. What they say is what they think their mom wants to hear, not how they really feel. Don’t lose sight of that.
Maybe there’ s a correlation between cracked out ex-wives and new wives with low AMH ha. We should start a study.