Saturday was my 37th birthday. Low key, overall nice day. Sat night was my friends bachelorette party / my birthday party and we decided to go dancing with a group of girls. I didn’t know some of them as they were work friend’s of the girl getting married. So, we’re all introducing ourselves and one of the girls says to me “Is your hair real?”. I get this all the time. So I say “Yes. It was a gift from my mama.” She replies “You know, you could make a lot of money.” I get this all the time too – people telling me how much real hair red wigs go for. So I say “Yes, so I’ve heard.” But then she totally blindsided me and says “You should sell your eggs. I bet a ton of people who waited too long to have kids are dying for some eggs from red heads. I bet they’d pay thousands of dollars.” I stared at her with my mouth open. I couldn’t even believe what was happening. I mumbled some reply and walked away and she followed me still babbling about these sad old woman who couldn’t have babies that would buy my eggs.
As I’m getting into the car to go the club a friend of mine says “Can you believe the nerve of that girl? I mean, Jesus, what if you couldn’t have children or something? Can you imagine how that would make you feel?” Why yes, yes I can imagine EXACTLY how that would make me feel. It made me feel like shit. It made me feel ashamed. I wanted so bad to say to her “You know, I can’t have children, so I am one of those sad old woman who is looking for a red-haired egg donor right this minute and am going to buy her eggs for thousands of dollars, if I’m lucky. And thank you SO MUCH for reminding me of that ON MY BIRTHDAY.” But I didn’t. I hung my head and I ran away. And I’m ashamed of that too. It was an opportunity to educate someone on infertility and I was too weak/scared/sad/ashamed to stand up for myself. *sigh* Maybe one day I’ll be in a better place with this. But until then, universe, could you cut me some slack? Geez.
Jesus. What a kick in the uterus. Sorry, friend. Is it too late to wish you a happy birthday?
Hahaha! Of course not – birthday week! And thank you.
That is crazy!! I’m sorry that happened to you at all, let alone on your birthday. Here’s hoping beautiful red-headed eggs head your way very soon.
Omay Farlane said:
I surely would be in jail by now by punching her. Gosh! What a bitch!
I’m sorry that girl was such a jackass. I would have LOVED for you to stick it to her, but I know what you mean about standing up for yourself. I never think that quickly. I’m usually too shocked in the moment, and so full of emotion, that I say nothing. Some people are so astonishingly clueless.
Gah! Wow. Isn’t it amazing what the universe cooks up for us? It is as if that woman and her words were specifically designed to antagonize you on your birthday.
I have tried, in these moments, to educate the insensitive person. Oh, it doesn’t always go so well. In fact, I’m not sure if it has ever gone well. The person will become defensive, scared, silent, and I might not be able to put a strong enough muzzle on my irritation (anger) to truly educate.
You are not weak. We do what we have to do to survive the moment! And sometimes to preserve our relationships.
A friend of mine wrote an email to me the other day in which she described a situation with her chickens and their eggs that reminded her of me and my situation—this was said with levity, and I knew she was trying to lighten things, but holy shit did it sting. I had to say out loud a few times, “Remember that she loves you, preserve the relationship.”
Anyway. Happy belated, sweetheart. All of this will be over one day and you’ll be on the other side with your kiddos.
Happy belated birthday! Sorry about the asshat girl trying to ruin your actual birthday. Can’t blame you for not knowing what to say in the moment. I’m the same way. Don’t feel bad about it. She’s the one who should have kept her stupid mouth shut.
Eesh. That is RIDICULOUS! I’m so impressed you held it together! And, happy birthday!
oh. my. god. people just shouldn’t be allowed to talk. I’m so sorry this happened xx
I am using frozen eggs at RBA and I have a beautiful redish brown donor. She’s beautiful, smart , educated and seems perfect and she’s a proven donor.
Sorry for insensitive people – sometimes ppl just don’t think before they speak!
Jane Allen said:
Happy birthday! I just hit my 37th a week ago, so welcome to the club. Our assistant office manager has been bugging me about the “when are you going to have a baby” for ages (she doesn’t know that I’ve been trying or that we have infertility issues, as it’s none of her business) but recently someone asked if my hair colour (blonde) is still natural. I replied yes, and she launched into “Well, you just have to pass those genes on. Can’t you imaging your beautiful blond children” I wanted to say, “Yes I can, but I fear that’s all they are -imaginary”. Kudos to you for keeping it together!