I’m worn out. Beaten down. Defeated and dejected.
Infertility sucks. All of it. Start to finish.
I have to take a break; from the planning, the pills, the stress, the research, the constant worrying. I want one day – just one day – where I don’t feel this overwhelming sense of loss.
I want to watch TV without crying at baby food commercials. I want to sleep through the night without having stress dreams. I want to stop eating kale. I want to enjoy sex with my husband again. I want a damn cup of coffee.
Hope is something you pee on 
Sorry you are feeling so terrible. I had to take a break a few months ago so I totally get it. And I am so with you on the kale and coffee.
I gave up coffee and wine for a while. Then I told myself that it’s extremely unlikely that the limited amount of booze and caffeine I consume is responsible for my infertility. DOR is. And no amount of self-deprivation will bring those eggs back. While you certainly need to take care of yourself and make the best eggs you can, you also need to take care of your mental health too and forcing yourself to do things that feel unnatural or are making you unhappy is probably not going to help either. Just some food for thought. I vote for the damn cup of coffee.
Aramis is right – I vote to quite the kale. Seriously, that stuff is gross! Sorry you are having a bad day. I know that soemtimes for me it sucks to me in ‘wait’ mode, but soemtimes it is awesome because I get a little mental break and live like a ‘normal’-ish person without daily calls to the Dr. Hope you get a little break, at least emotionally.
I want a damn cup of coffee too!
Have your coffe, ditch the kale, and allow yourself to freely enjoy life for awhile…even it’s just 1 day or many. But don’t give up on your dream of motherhood….it can happen.. Miracles happen every day. Stay encouraged.
Thanks everybody. 🙂