Soooo, after trying all day to hold it together (sneaking cry breaks in the restroom and pleading allergies to explain my red rimmed eyes and stuffy nose) I spent the early evening with Dr. Google feeling sorry for myself.

I finally decided to just go to CVS and get a FRER since everyone talks about how wonderful they are.  Came home and left them on the kitchen counter until my will broke 20 minutes later. Mind you, I used FMU at 6 AM today, and tonight I’d had a lot of water and juice to drink so I knew it was stupid to test.  Wasteful.  That I should wait til morning.

Snuck into the bathroom and turned the fan on so S couldn’t hear me opening the box. POAS and lo and behold. 2 line.  2 LINES!!!! 

It’s faint, but there.  And you don’t even need to stand-in-a-bright-light–squint-and-turn-your-head-just-right to see it!

So, I’m trying to be cautiously optimistic. I knew the stats – early miscarriages, late miscarriages, chemical pregnancies, ectopic pregnancies…but just for these few minutes I want to exalt in this state that I’m in –  this state I’ve never been in before. With child.  Fertile. PREGNANT.

*BTW, S is over the moon!  But he is (for once in his life) being extremely cautious with his optimism. I don’t think he’s gonna truly believe it until the beta day after tomorrow.  Hang tight in there little embaby!!